Childhood Dreams & Expectations

In thinking about childhood dreams and youthful visions about what I thought life's great journey had in store for me; I have come to the shocking and unsettling conclusion that I didn't really have any, certainly not enough. I had fleeting fantasies about a life far away from my own, but this was more of an escape to take me away from a place I never felt I belonged.
The one constant in my life has been that I have always felt different, out-of-place and never truly comfortable in my own skin. For as long as I can remember, something has always seemed to be missing, a piece of the puzzle that just won't fit. What I am chasing I do not know, but the harder I search, the more elusive this "thing" becomes to find. At 31-years-old, finding me has become a journey with no destination.
My childhood was far from perfect, but I had/have parents who love/loved me and according to all educational standards a slightly above average intelligence. I studied, learned and did everything I was "suppose" to do, but it just didn't add up. Somewhere along the way, this mathematical equation that was supposed to equal me having a happy and productive adult life went wrong. My miscalculations along the way have not come without a price. The overwhelming realization is that I never had a destination in mind; I couldn't keep my eye on the prize because I never knew what it was or if I even wanted it.

Is it possible to fear success as much as failure? I never imagined that I would be a single mother still searching for love at 31-years-old, but when I really think about it; I never really imagined myself finding the love of my life either. Trying to think of what I really love doing and brings me the most joy in life, beyond my daughter, I honestly have NO clue!  I like to do a lot of things, but you would never know it by the stack of unfinished projects and plans on my desk. I am surrounded by the consequences of my directionally challenged life.
How do I finally begin to conquer these mountains and find my soul mate? Every experience I have had with love has ended with me on the losing end, financially, emotionally - all around brokenness. I have been single so long that being in a relationship is a completely foreign concept to me. Being single is easier and all I have known, but as my own life has shown me, you get what you expect out of life. I want to start expecting more, getting more but I ask you, honestly how?